I'm the worst pain to live...

I’m the worst pain to live with,

But never have I left you, and never will I.

You thought you buried me long ago,

But I’m alive in your thoughts and never did I go.

You thought you left me way behind your life

But I’m the one muddled in your smile,

I’m the one thwarting you in your celebration.

I’m the foundation for your aggravation and trepidation,

I’m nothing, yet I am the answer to your question.

I’m invisible, yet I overshadow your arrogance.

I make you whimper when you’re alone

When you have all the reasons to be happy,

In a corner of your heart, I make you groan

I’m flashing in your dreams when you’re asleep

I’m the first to wish you a morning,

And the last to wish you a night

You scream at me as I’m silent, but I overrule it.

You beg me as I’m wicked, but I never forgive you.

I’m the one you conceal, but can’t escape.

And I’m the only one you can never deceive.

I’m nowhere, but I’m inside you

I’m something your own, and the worst pain to live with.

Kashmakash...

किसी दिन मै किस्मत से नज़रें चुरा कर 

सजा दूँ जो सपने तुम्हारे सभी

तो तुम जान लोगे जो तुमने है सोची

मेरे मन में भी है तमन्ना वही...

कभी वक़्त से कुछ बहाना बना कर

बिताऊं जो तुम संग पूरी सदी

तो तुम जान लोगे जो तुम चाहते हो

मेरी भी है हर पल की चाहत वही.

तुम्हे डर है आगे की तनहा सड़क से

कदम जिनपे रखने पड़ेंगे कभी

मेरे भी कदम कप्कपयेंगे उस पल

मुझे भी सताता है डर बस वही...

कई दर्द हैं ज़िन्दगी में तुम्हारे

मुझे जिनका एहसास शायद नहीं

मगर तुमको कैसे बताऊँ मै जीता हूँ

बस जीतने को तुम्हारी ख़ुशी.

न दूरी की खुशबू में तुम सांस लोगे

ना साड़ी उम्र तुम जियोगे युहीं

मुझे भी तो होगी घुटन दूर तुमसे

मै कैसे दिलाऊं ये तुमको यकीन!

मैंने भी कितने हैं सपने संजोये

की तुम साथ होगे मेरे हर घड़ी

जो तुम जान लोगे मेरी कश्मकश को

तो देखोगे खुद ही को मुझमे कहीं...

     

 

Mai ab wo nahin...

मै अब वो नहीं जो था कुछ साल पहले

कि अब तू बदलने लगा है मुझे 

मेरे हर पहर में मेरे हर लम्हे में

तू गुमसुम सा रखने लगा है मुझे...

ज़रा देर नज़रों से ओझल हुआ तो

है खुद से ही मन रूठ जाता मेरा

यु तुझसे कही दूर दो पल बिताना

क्यूँ पागल सा करने लगा है मुझे.

तू है सामने पर न है पास मेरे

मै हंस के भुला दू मेरी बेबसी

मगर उसपे तेरा यु नज़रें चुराना

कहीं दिल में चुभने लगा है मुझे.

तू कितना है अपना ये तुझको पता है

ये रिश्ता भी तुझसे नया तो नहीं

किसी और को अब यही सब बताना

बेवजह लगने लगा है मुझे.

मेरे हर लम्हे में तू इतना है शामिल

मेरे जिस्म का जैसे हिस्सा है तू

वो हिस्से को खुद से जुदा रोज़ रखना

परेशान करने लगा है मुझे...

न इक चैन कि सांस लेता हु अब मै

हैं नींदें भी अब मेरी मुझसे खफा

ये हर वक़्त हर पल तेरा ही ख़याल 

अब हैरान करने लगा है मुझे.

मै अब वो नहीं जो था कुछ साल पहले

मै हर मोड़ पर अब कोई और हूँ,

कि मुझपर मेरा बस नहीं अब कोई भी

तू ही बदलने लगा है मुझे...

Kasak...

है सदियों से सपना जो सोया हुआ सा,
कभी आँख उसने भी खोली तो होगी
हवा में उछालना भी चाहा तो होगा
कोई राह चलने को सोची तो होगी.

है बेचैन रातें गुज़रती जो हर दिन
कभी चैन से आँख सोयी तो होगी
कभी जागते होठ मुस्काए होंगे
नयी कोई उम्मीद जागी तो होगी.

हज़ारों मचलते खयालात मन में
कभी तो सुरों में समाये तो होंगे
की फुर्सत क लम्हों में बैठे बिठाये
कोई धुन ज़हन में आई तो होगी

कदम रास्तों में जो करवट न बदले
की चलने से पहले ये सोचा तो होगा
मगर भीड़ के शोर ने सपनो के
टूटने की सदा भी दबाई तो होगी.

नयी मंजिलों में नए दोस्तों में
ख़ुशी ने जगह सी बनायीं तो होगी
मगर भागते वक़्त में भी कभी तो
पुरानी कोई याद आई तो होगी.

की फिर चल रही ज़िन्दगी ने किसी दिन
मन की वो ख्वाहिश टटोली तो होगी
और सदियों से सोये हुए उस सपने ने
कभी फिर से आँखें खोली तो होंगी...

The Angel...

The angel....

It feels like getting everything when you see your daughter opening her eyes for the first time. I felt the same, when I realized that an angel had suddenly entered my life – my daughter. I suddenly came to know what it feels like to be a father when I took her in my arms. Her lips slowly stretched to smile, and her elfin feet started kicking the air. When her petite hand struck against my cheek, I realized I’ve got nothing more to ask from God for myself. I went through thousands of dreams flashing off from her wide opened eyes. Within a few moments I had made countless number of commitments to myself and innumerable promises to her.

All my commitments slowly started giving shape to my dreams. My daughter studied in the best school of the city for her primary education. I tried to fulfil all her wishes before she could ask me, because one of my promises was to give her the best I could.

When she stepped in the age to choose her career, she chose her future as a doctor. And again as I’d promised, she was in the best medical college of the city and the state. All my exhaustion could kneel down before me, all I needed was to see a smile on her face whenever I returned back home. I never needed to put any exclamation mark to her demands or question mark to her steps.

The hands of the clock of my life are now at a position where I can see half of its mission fulfilled. My daughter has become a doctor today. The wetness in my eyes quickly makes me realise the immense pride that a father feels when his daughter establishes an identity of her own, and achieves something in her own right.

Today she told me about the love of her life. I can easily deem the seeds of the new dreams born in her, as a sign of the inexplicable expression on her face. And again it is the time to adhere to my commitments and serve the seed of this new dream.

Today where I am standing is the marriage of my daughter. The more I pray for time to dawdle, the faster it goes. And now my daughter is standing right in front of me, to say a good-bye. How can I afford to see a drop of pain stroll down her cheek? How can I cry in front of her? No, this is the time to wear a mask. I don’t allow my eyes to get wet until she is out of my sight. And there she is, finally walking away from me. Nothing else but a stream of tears starts its endless journey. All my compromises with life now seem to be worthless and life itself seems hopeless. What do I have in the end? The angel of my life, my daughter, has left me. Was she destined to?

The sands of time kept running remorselessly, and now, here I am: sick and desperately needing someone to get me a glass of water. But what I receive is a text message from my daughter:

“Dad I am sending you the cheque for this month. Really sorry couldn’t visit you this time. Have to go for an urgent medical tour. Take care. Miss you :(.”

Only those smileys can help me drag my life by a few more breaths, and wait for her to come. ‘If the angel could reappear in my life...’ is my only dream now that keeps me alive.

Sochta hu...

एक आम आदमी, जो ज़िन्दगी और दुनिया से जुड़े हर पहलू के बारे में सोचता है, समाज को हर तरह से साफ़ करना चाहता है, सिर्फ प्यार से रहना और प्यार ही बाटना चाहता है. मगर सिर्फ सोचता ही रह जाता है. ये कविता शुरू से अंत तक सीरत एक आम आदमी की सोच बताती है.

जो चलती है ठंडी हवा सोचता हु,

जो होता हु खुद से खफा सोचता हु.

की ढल जाती है रात बस सोचने में

मगर फिर से अगली सुबह सोचता हु.

मै लिखता हु हर दिन फसाने नए से,

और हर रोज़ कविता नयी सोचता हु.

है शब्दों की दुनिया मगर उस फलक पे.

मै गिर क ज़मीन पे यही सोचता हु.

क्यूँ रिश्वत की दलदल से तन यु सना है

कभी देख अपना मकान सोचता हु.

हिला दू जो बुनियाद अपने ही घर की,

तो जाऊंगा फिर मै कहाँ सोचता हु.

दरारें हैं इन्सान के बीच की जो

क्या मज़हब उन्हें नाम दू सोचता हु.

मगर खून का रंग तो एक ही है,

तो हम सब में क्या है फरक सोचता हु.

मै करता हू पूजा झुकाता हू सर को,

हू इन्सान मै गर्व से सोचता हू 

मगर देखता हू जो ईमान को बिकते,

कहाँ खोयी इंसानियत सोचता हू.

क्यूँ मरते हैं लोग और जलते हैं घर भी,

मिटा दू मै ये सरहदें सोचता हू

मगर दर सा जाता हू अगले ही पल जब

'अकेला करूँगा भी क्या' सोचता हू.

क्यूँ दुनिया से अब प्यार खो सा गया है,

बदल दू मै सारी दुनिया सोचता हू.

जो हर पल में मुझको है इतना बदलती,

क्या बदलेगी वो दुनिया सोचता हू.

मै ये सोचता हू मै वो सोचता हू.

मै हर मोड़ पर कुछ भला सोचता हू

मगर रात ढल जाती है उस सोच में ही,

और मै फिर से अगली सुबह सोचता हू.

Disunity in Unity...

"No problem is such that it has no solution!"

Who the hell says this? The solution to every problem itself becomes, or creates a new problem. No problem has a true solution. There is only a compromise. I can make you know many of them. Right now let me tell you the most common ones.

To start with, let me talk about population control. What solution can you come up with? Lets say single child policy. And yearly tax to be paid if no. of children born to a couple exceeds 1. All the illiterate and poor people, who contribute to 33 percent of the total population of India, will revolt back. All the non-ruling political parties will stand in favor of those illiterates and those poor, opposing the ruling political party, because all they are concerned with is number of seats, or votes. That is, in fact, what they get from these people : votes. And they make it very easily, because we, the so called sophisticated and literate people are concerned with ourselves only. We don't like, better don't want to get into trouble, and so we stay away from all this drama (that is what we call all these issues). The ultimate fate is increment in the no. of seats of the new party (coz we, the literate ones, are too busy to vote) and again a sort of compromise with the present situation which in no way helps in alleviating the problem.

Now one of you say you have a solution and you post it here in my blog. But does that really solve the problem? Because like me - like every common man - you know that the corruption level in the country is almost incalculable. So you believe that there is no 'one man army'.

So here any solution is bound to become a problem itself.

Now take the second one. We don't need to go too far. Look at ourselves. The present committee for the coming fest of our college took almost two complete days and nights just to decide how many second yearites they have to keep in the committee. And unbelievably the no. of students is around 160. The north Indians want at least 45 of their juniors, the localites say that they want at least 30 of theirs, likewise south Indians want their juniors. But still while discussing this goddamn thing with my friends, they advise me to enjoy my self and forget these existing problems. They say that I really can't do anything, and that I should just lie back and enjoy the remaining two years of my college life. Since I am not going to be in this college two years from now, I'd rather enjoy my 'today'. What solution can you come up with? Scrape out this regionalism????? Do you think that all of us are ready to do that? More than half of us are not. They support this cheap system, forgetting that the full form of their college NIT is 'National' Institute of Technology. If we feel no shame in dividing Indians to Rajasthanis, Gujaratis, Biharis, etc. in our college, how can we expect India to be united? The greatest feature of our Incredible India is not Unity in diversity, but disunity in that unity, coz I've seen with my eyes, the height of rivalry, the inexplicable and pointless jealousy between "Entru-Meet" and "Autofest". We are united as long as we are not doing anything creative. We are united on the pitch of 'Manoj Memorial cricket tournament' to support our hostel team. We are united when we cheer a band performing on the stage of Rattle and Hum. But when it comes to the vote for the HS of a hostel? Are we united when asked to choose the deserving junior for any post? No. Then all our unity disintegrates into the petty regionalism that is in our blood. This is called the concept of 'Disunity in unity".

Therefore, I challenge you to come up with a solution for at least the problem that is close to us - the problem of regionalism in the college. If you do come up with a solution, then you will have refuted my premise of no problem having a true solution.