The Angel...

The angel....

It feels like getting everything when you see your daughter opening her eyes for the first time. I felt the same, when I realized that an angel had suddenly entered my life – my daughter. I suddenly came to know what it feels like to be a father when I took her in my arms. Her lips slowly stretched to smile, and her elfin feet started kicking the air. When her petite hand struck against my cheek, I realized I’ve got nothing more to ask from God for myself. I went through thousands of dreams flashing off from her wide opened eyes. Within a few moments I had made countless number of commitments to myself and innumerable promises to her.

All my commitments slowly started giving shape to my dreams. My daughter studied in the best school of the city for her primary education. I tried to fulfil all her wishes before she could ask me, because one of my promises was to give her the best I could.

When she stepped in the age to choose her career, she chose her future as a doctor. And again as I’d promised, she was in the best medical college of the city and the state. All my exhaustion could kneel down before me, all I needed was to see a smile on her face whenever I returned back home. I never needed to put any exclamation mark to her demands or question mark to her steps.

The hands of the clock of my life are now at a position where I can see half of its mission fulfilled. My daughter has become a doctor today. The wetness in my eyes quickly makes me realise the immense pride that a father feels when his daughter establishes an identity of her own, and achieves something in her own right.

Today she told me about the love of her life. I can easily deem the seeds of the new dreams born in her, as a sign of the inexplicable expression on her face. And again it is the time to adhere to my commitments and serve the seed of this new dream.

Today where I am standing is the marriage of my daughter. The more I pray for time to dawdle, the faster it goes. And now my daughter is standing right in front of me, to say a good-bye. How can I afford to see a drop of pain stroll down her cheek? How can I cry in front of her? No, this is the time to wear a mask. I don’t allow my eyes to get wet until she is out of my sight. And there she is, finally walking away from me. Nothing else but a stream of tears starts its endless journey. All my compromises with life now seem to be worthless and life itself seems hopeless. What do I have in the end? The angel of my life, my daughter, has left me. Was she destined to?

The sands of time kept running remorselessly, and now, here I am: sick and desperately needing someone to get me a glass of water. But what I receive is a text message from my daughter:

“Dad I am sending you the cheque for this month. Really sorry couldn’t visit you this time. Have to go for an urgent medical tour. Take care. Miss you :(.”

Only those smileys can help me drag my life by a few more breaths, and wait for her to come. ‘If the angel could reappear in my life...’ is my only dream now that keeps me alive.

Sochta hu...

एक आम आदमी, जो ज़िन्दगी और दुनिया से जुड़े हर पहलू के बारे में सोचता है, समाज को हर तरह से साफ़ करना चाहता है, सिर्फ प्यार से रहना और प्यार ही बाटना चाहता है. मगर सिर्फ सोचता ही रह जाता है. ये कविता शुरू से अंत तक सीरत एक आम आदमी की सोच बताती है.

जो चलती है ठंडी हवा सोचता हु,

जो होता हु खुद से खफा सोचता हु.

की ढल जाती है रात बस सोचने में

मगर फिर से अगली सुबह सोचता हु.

मै लिखता हु हर दिन फसाने नए से,

और हर रोज़ कविता नयी सोचता हु.

है शब्दों की दुनिया मगर उस फलक पे.

मै गिर क ज़मीन पे यही सोचता हु.

क्यूँ रिश्वत की दलदल से तन यु सना है

कभी देख अपना मकान सोचता हु.

हिला दू जो बुनियाद अपने ही घर की,

तो जाऊंगा फिर मै कहाँ सोचता हु.

दरारें हैं इन्सान के बीच की जो

क्या मज़हब उन्हें नाम दू सोचता हु.

मगर खून का रंग तो एक ही है,

तो हम सब में क्या है फरक सोचता हु.

मै करता हू पूजा झुकाता हू सर को,

हू इन्सान मै गर्व से सोचता हू 

मगर देखता हू जो ईमान को बिकते,

कहाँ खोयी इंसानियत सोचता हू.

क्यूँ मरते हैं लोग और जलते हैं घर भी,

मिटा दू मै ये सरहदें सोचता हू

मगर दर सा जाता हू अगले ही पल जब

'अकेला करूँगा भी क्या' सोचता हू.

क्यूँ दुनिया से अब प्यार खो सा गया है,

बदल दू मै सारी दुनिया सोचता हू.

जो हर पल में मुझको है इतना बदलती,

क्या बदलेगी वो दुनिया सोचता हू.

मै ये सोचता हू मै वो सोचता हू.

मै हर मोड़ पर कुछ भला सोचता हू

मगर रात ढल जाती है उस सोच में ही,

और मै फिर से अगली सुबह सोचता हू.

Disunity in Unity...

"No problem is such that it has no solution!"

Who the hell says this? The solution to every problem itself becomes, or creates a new problem. No problem has a true solution. There is only a compromise. I can make you know many of them. Right now let me tell you the most common ones.

To start with, let me talk about population control. What solution can you come up with? Lets say single child policy. And yearly tax to be paid if no. of children born to a couple exceeds 1. All the illiterate and poor people, who contribute to 33 percent of the total population of India, will revolt back. All the non-ruling political parties will stand in favor of those illiterates and those poor, opposing the ruling political party, because all they are concerned with is number of seats, or votes. That is, in fact, what they get from these people : votes. And they make it very easily, because we, the so called sophisticated and literate people are concerned with ourselves only. We don't like, better don't want to get into trouble, and so we stay away from all this drama (that is what we call all these issues). The ultimate fate is increment in the no. of seats of the new party (coz we, the literate ones, are too busy to vote) and again a sort of compromise with the present situation which in no way helps in alleviating the problem.

Now one of you say you have a solution and you post it here in my blog. But does that really solve the problem? Because like me - like every common man - you know that the corruption level in the country is almost incalculable. So you believe that there is no 'one man army'.

So here any solution is bound to become a problem itself.

Now take the second one. We don't need to go too far. Look at ourselves. The present committee for the coming fest of our college took almost two complete days and nights just to decide how many second yearites they have to keep in the committee. And unbelievably the no. of students is around 160. The north Indians want at least 45 of their juniors, the localites say that they want at least 30 of theirs, likewise south Indians want their juniors. But still while discussing this goddamn thing with my friends, they advise me to enjoy my self and forget these existing problems. They say that I really can't do anything, and that I should just lie back and enjoy the remaining two years of my college life. Since I am not going to be in this college two years from now, I'd rather enjoy my 'today'. What solution can you come up with? Scrape out this regionalism????? Do you think that all of us are ready to do that? More than half of us are not. They support this cheap system, forgetting that the full form of their college NIT is 'National' Institute of Technology. If we feel no shame in dividing Indians to Rajasthanis, Gujaratis, Biharis, etc. in our college, how can we expect India to be united? The greatest feature of our Incredible India is not Unity in diversity, but disunity in that unity, coz I've seen with my eyes, the height of rivalry, the inexplicable and pointless jealousy between "Entru-Meet" and "Autofest". We are united as long as we are not doing anything creative. We are united on the pitch of 'Manoj Memorial cricket tournament' to support our hostel team. We are united when we cheer a band performing on the stage of Rattle and Hum. But when it comes to the vote for the HS of a hostel? Are we united when asked to choose the deserving junior for any post? No. Then all our unity disintegrates into the petty regionalism that is in our blood. This is called the concept of 'Disunity in unity".

Therefore, I challenge you to come up with a solution for at least the problem that is close to us - the problem of regionalism in the college. If you do come up with a solution, then you will have refuted my premise of no problem having a true solution.

Abyss

Here I am... 2000 feet above the earth on a cliff. A cliff from where I may end up, losing everything. A cliff which possibly could become my final destination. The cordial climate here is making me remember my friends whose presence in my life made everything possible, everything easy. Who slowly became an eternal part of my life. But they never made me realize that the road I was walking on, would lead me where I am now. The gentle touch of this cold and yet strangely comforting wind makes me remember the pleasure of your touch, the touch that I once believed would caress me forever. But you were determined and destined not to be with me anymore. The vague sound of the night is making me remember my passion - my music, my guitar, which has always been my best friend since I was born. But this beautiful relation with the most beautiful thing in the world was again destined to break someday, and so it did. The half visible moon on the sky is making me remember the night I made my decision to choose engineering as my career. Later I became sick of imagining machines and their parts. I became frustrated of the new books every semester I was supposed to mug up. I was discouraged by the 40 exams I was supposed to give in every four months. And In the end I was disheartened on leaving college without any job. So here I am... Finally knowing what is my next step, which would take me down, back to the earth within a few blinks of my eyes. And before raising my foot off the rock, I remember my mom and dad, who have always loved in spite of all my mistakes, whose sole aim was to see me as a successful human being. But I shattered their dream. Mom, I know it would be very hard for you to accept this, but I can't take the burden of this motiveless life anymore, and can't become a burden on you as well. And finally before I fly in air, I want to wait for someone's voice, 'Please come back for me.' But here I am... moving freely under gravity. No signal to stop me, no border to confine my movements, swinging to the force of the winds, here I am, saying my last good-bye....

A letter to be read someday...

Someday,
When I'll be no more with you,
and you'll be in pain,
You'll miss an sms appearing on you mobile screen,
"You're not well! What happened?"
When you'll be on your bed
Ready to enter the world of dreams,
you'll miss hearing a good night with a musical yawn,
you used to laugh at.

And someday,
When you'll see me incinerated,
only my ashes will receive a few drop of you tears.
Then someday,
When you'll find me observing you from the sky,
you'll know that my feelings were incorruptible and my love was incalculable.
Then someday,
when you'll see my dreams shattered before your eyes,
and my hopes and wishes shackled by your obstinacy,
you'll miss two jobless arms to be clinched by and weep.

But someday,
when you'll wake up,
you'll fear if this dream could be a reality.
Then you'll give me a call and say,
"I am sorry yar, please come back!"
I'll wait for this day.
Because if it didn't come,
then someday,
when I'll be no more with you,
and you'll be reading this letter,
you'll only regret that life wouldn't have been so caustic,
if only you'd have known me before reading this.

-Yours
Laalu

Seems like it was yesterday when I and Ravi were standing in a line and waiting for our no. to be called out. It was the day of room allocation in our new hostel for second year. And like day before yesterday, when I was weeping in my room, and some of my friends, Anup, Saransh, Saurabh,etc. came to console me, as that was the first day in college and I was missing home. And like a few moments ago when we were busy with the preparations for our end semester exams. And a moment ago, when I, Anupam, and Somak were celebrating the end of exams in SNS (mind you, the celebration was only for the joy of the exams getting over, doesn't matter how they went).
A long journey of two years ended almost with a few blink of eyes. I am still quizzing myself, 'Really? Am I 50 percent engineer now???' Right now my feelings are a bit of thrill and a bit of fear. Thrill because half of my engineering is completed. And fear, because half of the golden period of my life is completed. In all the bitter experiences I had in my life till now, the best one was my training, though I withdrew with it in 10 days, but it made me know that life after this college sucks. There was a newly employed engineer in the company, from NIT Warangal, who, from nowhere seemed to be a college guy. Busy with a computer system with the preparations for the weekly presentations, having no time even to smile. Whether MBA or B.Tech, the fate of all of us is going to be the same. Like a great poet has said:

कुछ लम्हे किस्मत फिर कभी नहीं दोहराती है,
कुछ चेहरों की बस एक तस्वीर साथ रह जाती है,
कुछ हंसी, कुछ आवाजें, कुछ मुस्कुराहतें,
बस याद बन कर ज़हन में पल जाती हैं.

वक़्त गुज़रता है और उन तस्वीरों पे धुल सी लग जाती है,
उन लम्हों की जुस्तजू भीड़ में कहीं खो जाती है,
वो चेहरे वो आवाजें, धुन्द्ली पड़ जाती हैं,
फिर एक रात के साथ सारी यादें ढल जाती हैं.

फिर नयी सुबह क साथ ज़िन्दगी नयी रफ़्तार पकडती है...
फिर भीड़ में चलती है धुप से लडती है.
पर बीती घड़ियाँ किसी कोने में आज भी चुभती हैं,
और कुछ हसरतें दिल के दामन में ही जल जाती हैं...

Oh yes, your guess is absolutely correct. The great poet is Saurabh Lalwani... But anyways true...... And we all have to manage at that time anyway. So let's live the two remaining two years of our college life to the full....

Who I am...

It was on 22nd february 1990 when I opened my eyes for the first time. Many eyes were staring at me, warmly welcoming me to this new world. Many lips kissing my forehead, many blissful touches on my soft cheeks. like I was some angel sent by god to cure their pains.

Then like every other kid, I joined some public school for my primary studies. My hard work made me score good marks. All my wishes were anyhow fulfilled by my mom and dad. All my mischief was forgiven with a dialogue, 'Leave him. he's a child...' Everyone loved me, as I was the 10th avatar of Lord Vishnu.

Then after thinking a lot about my career, I decided to give the entrance exam for IIT's and NIT's. And again, my luck mixed with my efforts got me a decent rank followed by a good college.

In my college life, I became a rockstar, a good friend, a scholar, a dedicated boy friend, and last but not the least, an engineer to work with.

Finally I got placed in a government company with a lucrative package. I felt like being on the top of the world. An ideal wife, a flat to live in, an expensive car, and my children born with silver spoon living the way they wanted. What else would I ask for?I thought the purpose to be, is achieved.

30 years later....

I am lying on my bed, with half of my body paralyzed. My children who were working as managers and chairmen in USA and UK, kept sending me the money. Suddenly I realized something. I asked my self who am I? Am I an angel? Am I the 10th avatar of Lord Vishnu? Am I a rock star, or an engineer? What did I achieve in my life? A beautiful wife? An expensive flat and a car? Does anyone in this world know my name?

While I was waiting for the death to come, my mind rummaged the answers to these questions.

The world knows me as a common man. Every achievement of mine is so common. I still remember a small quote written on the wall of a temple I used to visit in my childhood days, 'Life is to discover who you are... Why have you been sent to this world.' Am I a stupid common man? Have I been sent to this world to just to earn money, eat, drink, sleep, and end up like this?

I was still wondering who am I... As I felt if someone yanked me. And suddenly I found my hands and feet tied with heavy chains of iron, and someone pulling me through them. When I turned back I saw that my body was still lying there where I was, and the monster of death was dragging me to the hell....

I lived so common and I died so common... But my question will keep vibrating in the universe un-till each and every common man finds the answer to it.

Two years later.....

Today was my second day of training... I takes me one complete hour to reach to that place, and I have to change three auto-rikshaws... And I have to wait for the third one for at-least half-an-hour. Then finally a walk of 3 kilometers to reach the destination. Then an oscillatory motion from table to table, a forwarded letter in a hand, to find out what we are supposed to do. Then lunch... Oh my goodness, I think the long line would not have been less than 1 kilometer... Including labors to employees, with trainees. I could see a reflection of my life waiting on the other side of two years...

There will be all frustrated professors and lecturers to take our classes, who will keep harassing us mentally, but we won't be able to bunk their class.

There will be nearly one presentation per week, and we won't be having a group to divide the responsibilities, we will be leading ourselves.

There will be many lab classes during afternoon, but we won't be able to lay down on our beds, and think 'What difference of marks would one attendance make? Screw the labs, I want to sleep...'

There will be shitty food and a long queue to wait for your turn to collect it, but there will be no canteen to jump in with lots of hoots and mocks,to escape the dirty food.

But yes, there will be an ac room to work in, but there won't be a warm class room, and a nap at the back bench.

There will be an air conditioner car, but there won't be a single bike and four-five friends straddled upon it.

There will be a good monthly pocket money, but there won't be any reasons and ways to spend it.....

There will be large variety of food items in our plate, but no one to snatch them and eat with us....

There will be a good quality guitar, but there will be no one to sing along....

There will be bigger room to stay in, but there won't be a mate to kick on your ass every morning and scream, "Get up you ass-hole! Three lectures are already gone... Lets at least attend the last one..."

There will be more expensive birthday parties, but there won't be anyone to give GPL's, a bigger cake but no one to rub it's cream on your face, a dj over a laptop and speakers, but no one to scream, "Shirts off..."

Two years later, we'll have only few words to say, 'I want those days back...'

One wish to beg to god, 'Please take me back once....'

And only three words to yell, 'I miss you....'

A problem with me; or a problem in me?

They say, 'Life is full of reasons to smile...' Very true quote! Then why is it that life seems to be full of problems now-a-days? Problems in judgments, decisions, sentiments, competition, and moreover, in friendship. Why is there something to deplore about in every success? Why do I find something despicable in every achievement? I am rummaging for the answers to these questions for the last few months. Finally, I think I've got it. Like they say that if you are in problem, there's some problem within you. So yesterday I made a list of all the problems I am suffering with, or some problems in me.

1. Self-inferiority complex: I think this is the biggest problem I've found in myself. For example, two of my friends are communicating in English, and I know that I can do that well, may be better than them. But my tongue twists when I try to speak a word in English In-front of them. I feel that they'll think me a fool, of that they are better than me. This feeling finally takes my thoughts to a depressed state where I start feeling that I really, am a fool. Similarly in every field, I am never able to give my cent percent because every time if I meet someone better than me, I keep thinking that I know nothing.

2. Self-esteem: Well I think it is clumsy to mention self-esteem after self-inferiority. But sometimes I do believe that there's an essence of self-esteem somewhere inside me. Like sometimes I feel that I am the only talented guy left out in the whole world. I can sing, I can compose and script music, I can write poetry, and moreover I can play many musical Instruments starting from the Guitar to the Synthesizer including drums. So at some junctures, I feel that I am getting less importance than I am supposed to get. But I forget that there are far more talented people in this world than me, and also that my talent is limited to music and poetry. This becomes a problem with me.

3. Human lover: I believe that I am a human lover because it takes me a very short duration of time to get sentimentally attached to someone. I feel I can understand their emotions very well. I can become a good friend of anyone in a very short time. But sometimes it becomes a problem with me because such a short period of time seems to be insufficient for them to understand me. And again, as they say that make a friend when you both can completely understand one another.

4. Expectations: The biggest factor for the sadness of many people - expectations. As they say, 'Either expect less, or accept the reality.' Many of my friends always keep telling me that I am expecting a lot from them. But i believe that you can expect only from those whom you love. And from my side I always try to give my hundred percent on their expectations. But it becomes a problem with me because I always expect them to expect from me, but to be there for at least half of my expectations.

5. Problem: And at last, the biggest problem is itself, a problem. This one is not specifically for me, but I think this one is for everyone. When we are in problem, we need to split it out with someone. But we often forget that he/she may also be in some problem, abd how can someone on a problem can alleviate your problem?

So, hereby I found out that all the problems with me are originating from the problems in me. But I still couldn't find a solution to it, because they say that the only solution for it is a change, a change in me. But I am trying my level best and I know that one day I will see my life without problems.....



Well, I think somewhere some of these problems are related to your life also... And I believe if you'll try to, you'll also find that many problems with you are originating from the problems in you, as I found with me. So relate it with you...

वादा करो...

आज एक वादा करो...
वादा करो की जब-जब इन लम्हों की कलियाँ, वक़्त की डालियों पे यादों के फूल बन क खिलेंगी, तब तब तुम एक ख्वाब बन कर मुझे मिलोगे। और दे जाओगे एक उम्मीद, फिर मिलने की... जिसके सहारे हम फिर जियेंगे ये ज़िन्दगी, ज़िन्दगी समझ कर... वादा करो।

वादा करो की जब कभी तुम्हारी याद में भर आएँगी एरी आँखें, तब तुम आओगे इन होठों पर एक मुस्कान बन कर, और ठहर जाओगे... की फिर तुम्हारे न होने का ग़म, तुम्हारे होने का एहसास बन जायेगा, और हम उन आंसुओं को ओस बना कर पलकों पे ही जमा लेंगे... वादा करो।
वादा करो, की जब कभी मई खुद को बेबसी क मझधार में पाऊं,
तन्हाई से झूजता हुआ, तब तुम आओगे एक लहर बन कर। और खींच ले जाओगे मुझे दूर... हर बंधन से, हर सांस से, हर रिश्ते से, दुनिया की हर रस्म से दूर, बहुत दूर एक ऐसी जन्नत में, जहां एक ज़र्रा भी तनहा न हो... जहां ज़िन्दगी से ले कर मौत तक, सिर्फ तुम ही तुम हो... वादा करो।

वादा करो की जब चलते चलते मेरे क़दम मौत की देहलीज़ पे पड़ेंगे, तो ज़िन्दगी क उस आखिरी पल में तुम मुझे मिलोगे, बाहें खोले... की फिर तुम्हारे काँधे पर सर रख कर उस आखिरी पल में एल नयी ज़िन्दगी जी लूँगा...
और फिर देखना, मौत भी इस एहसास क साथ आयेगी, की मई कही जा नहीं रहा, बस धीरे धीरे तुम्हारी रूह में समां रहा होऊँ, और जिंदा रहूँगा तुम्हारी हर सांस, हर धड़कन में... वादा करो।

पर आज, आज एक एहसान कर दो।
आज इतना रुलाओ, इतना रुलाओ की फिर इस जनम में एक आंसू न गिरने पाए...
इन आन्सौं की बूंदों में इस कदर भीग जाने दो की जितना इसे कोई बरसात न भीगा पाए...
और ले चलो एक ऐसी नींद में की फिर ये आँखें तभी खुले, जब मीलो दूर तक सिर्फ तुम्हारी परछाई हो.....

अभी तू है कहाँ?

हलकी धुप निकली ज़रा सी हवा चली...
आज सुभा जब हुई आँख जो खुली,
आँख जो खुली तोजैसे सांस थम गयी...
दिल की धडकनों पे जैसे बर्फ जम गयी...
जागती सी आँखों को यकीं भी न हुआ।
ख्वाब वो नहीं था धोखा नींद ने दिया...
पत्थरों का वो मकां भी पुच था रहा।
'अभी तू जाने था कहाँ अभी तू है कहाँ?'
ये बारिशों की बूंदों ने किस कदर जिस्म भिगो दिया,
अभी तो हलकी धुप थी अभी ये क्या हुआ?
अभी तो सर्द थी हवा, खुशबू से भरी,
अभी ये कैसी आंधियां हैं ला रही तूफ़ान...
अभी तो कहकहे थे हर तरफ, थी एक ख़ुशी।
अभी ये पल में कैसे ख़ामोशी सी छा गयी?
अभी तो साडी राहें जानी पहचानी सी थी...
अभी ये कौन रास्ते है ज़िन्दगी बढ़ी?
अभी लगी जो चोट दिल ने आह सी भरी,
वो दर्द चीन लेने वाली माँ कहा गयी?
अभी ज़रा सी बात पे आँखें झलक गयी...
वो आंसुओं को पोचती बेहें कहाँ गयी?
जिसकी हर शरारतों में प्यार था भरा,
मेरे दिल का हिस्सा, मेरा भाई कहा गया?
जो मेरी हर ख्वाहिश मेरे चेहरे पे पढता था...
और मेरे बिन कहे उन्ह्हे पूरा भी करता था।
वो पापा नाम का मसीहा कहाँ गया?
जिसकी हर एक ईट में मजबूती थी विश्वास की...
जिसकी नीव एक दूजे के दर्द का एहसास थी...
वो महल खुदा का जहा पर था बसेरा,
वो मेरी ज़िन्दगी, मेरा घर कहा गया?
वो मेरी ज़िन्दगी मेरा घर कहा गया?

Mujhe bhool jana...

आज अगर तुम्हारे दिल में जगह ज़रा सी बन जाये,
तुम मुझे बसा लेना...
आज अगर तुम्हे एक दोस्त की ज़रूरत पड़ जाये,
मुझे दोस्त बना लेना...
आज अगर तुम्हे कोई गीत याद आ जाये,
तुम मुझे सुना देना...
आज अगर तुम्हारे दिल को कोई बात सताए,
तुम मुझे बता देना...
आज अगर तुम्हे क्लास में कोई लड़की पसंद आ जाये,
उससे मुझे मिला देना...
आज अगर मेरी कोई बात तुम्हे बुरी लग जाये,
तो दो थप्पड़ भी लगा देना...
आज अगर तुम्हे हसने की कोई वजह नहीं मिल पाए,
तो मेरा मज़ाक उड़ा लेना...
आज जो मन हो रोने का, और कोई कंधा न मिल पाए,
मुझे पास बुला लेना...
आज अगर तुम्हे अँधेरे में कोई डर सा छु जाये,
बस, एक आवाज़ लगा देना...

पर कल,
कल यही सड़क एक दोराहे पे हमको ला के छोड़ेगी...
कल अगर ज़िन्दगी ले जाये एक नए रास्ते पर तुमको,
तुम हस्ते हुए चले जाना...
कल तुम्हे लगे अनजानी सी हर राह तुम्हारी मंजिल की,
गुमसुम कदमो से बढ़ जाना...

और साथ में ले जाना मेरी लाखों दुआएं...
फिर मुझे भूल जाना...
फिर लिखना नयी कहानी तुम, दोस्ती क नए रंग लाना,
और मुझे भूल जाना...

पर दोस्त मेरे, तुम मेरे हर एक लम्हे में शामिल हो,
मई तुम्हे भूलों कैसे?
तुम हंसी हो मेरे होठों की और आंसू हो इन आँखों क,
मई तुम्हे भूलों कैसे????

Dil ki baat bata kar to dekho...

हर लफ्ज़ सागर सा गहरा है,
कभी इतनी गहरायी में खो के देखो...
लफ़्ज़ों को मिलाने से तो ज़िन्दगी बन सकती है,
कभी कागज़ पे चंद लफ़्ज़ों को मिला क तो देखो...
मत कहो लिख के सही,
पर कभी हमे दिल की बात बता क तो देखो...

इस दुनिया में सब एक जैसे नहीं होते,
आँखों से अश्कों की चादर हटा के तो देखो!
हर अफसाना झूठ नहीं होता,
आज एक नयी कहानी बना के तो देखो।
कुदरत भी जीने एक इशारे देती है,
इशारों में ही सही, पर कभी दिल की बात बता क तो देखो...

हर फूल में कांटे नहीं होते,
आज इस गुलाब को उठा क तो देखो।
ज़िन्दगी रुकने का नाम नहीं है,
आज एक नया क़दम बढ़ा के तो देखो...
खुदा हर दुआ नज़रंदाज़ नहीं करता,
आज फिर उसके आगे बाहें फैला के देखो!
ये वादा है आसमा सिमट क बाहों में आ जायेगा,
बस एक बार दिल की बात बता के तो देखो.....

I miss those ten days...

Sounds like a romantic period of time spent with my loved one that I miss...
Sorry but there's nothing like that in my "Those ten days". In fact this is my examination period that I miss.

Confused? Of course not if you have ever experienced hostel life in a college. So I m going to tell my experience of ten days, six exams.

First day: First day spends in assembling of the inexorable course (and reassembling of the subjects as well), along with deploring for past 3 months and 20 days.

Second day: The second day, we probe the course with full probity. By this time my soul abuses me and abases towards god. As this is the time to defray the past.


Third day: This day spends in searching any one thing in any one subject, that could raise my confidence level, and of course I don't get any. The continuously escalating syllabus leads to a frustration, to get rid of which we watch a movie - Like last time we saw 'Mera pehla pehla pyar' - while we know that such kind of movies provide another frustration, than exams. Finally, we go too bed at 4:00 am; then how the hell can I wake up before 12 noon, as exams bring sleeping sickness along.

Fourth day: Morning is gone! A dizzy work starts afternoon after lunch. Evening spends in the green college campus to relax eyes, and canteen for a tea-biscuit, and soon we find that it is 9:00 pm, after dinner. We see the demon of syllabus deriding us! Then with all our might, we accept it's challenge. The battle continues whole night, and we make it half-an-hour before the exams.

Fifth-Sixth-Seventh-eighth-ninth day: These days spend similarly. After expelling the ocean of knowledge from a small brain to the answer sheet, at our own peril we discuss the question paper with our friends, then finally with perforated confidence we move back to hostel, without forgetting to have an Amul cool from the canteen.
Then afternoon siesta (err, afternoon sleep) of 5-6 hours (plus one hour for convalescence after sleeping), again a round in the college campus, a tea-biscuit in canteen, and a beginning from zero, the hardest mental excercise ever done before. An experience of watching the scenario from darkness to the first ray of light, to morning.

Ninth day: We know that tomorrow is our last exam. So rather than being tensed for the preparation of exam, we are excited for the holidays waiting on the other side of this exam.
Mentally planning for holidays, physically indulged in studies, with hips and hops in between on the tunes of Honey Singh, to bring the frustration level down; brings to the last exam.

Tenth day: Last exam was as expected- spoiled. But no worries at all, because the thrill of the coming moments was continuously inflating me to the seventh sky. A hundred of stories about 'I and my hostel life' were waiting to be shared with Mom-Dad, bro, sis, and friends over there.
Lunch in canteen, then idle sleepless afternoon, evening again in canteen, then dinner outside.
Then watching movies on Laptop with mates, and finally a tired bed, with all the missing memories of the night-outs, after noon sleeps, and the hardest study ever done before.......

Missing....

Tringgggg...........
The alarm rang.

Slowly my eyes opened.
what a fresh feeling.....
A debonair morning through the window!
But sun dazzled as I opened the door...
Something was missing.

Then morning coffee and newspaper.
Oh! The coffee was tasteless!
Something was surely missing.

Then my favorite - Cricket match.
Oh what a boob?
India lost?????
Something was really missing...

A hopeful morning turned out to be a desperate evening.
I went in fresh air to find the missing.
I dawdled through the way...
There was an old couple,
rummaging an old age house.
There was an adolescent girl with a 5 month baby in hands;
Begging for food.
A traffic jam,
everyone just rushing to find a way out.
Conflict between two groups,
looking like that of a Hindu-Muslim one...
Still minority majority issue.
A colony made a cemetery by those "attacks".

This was another aspect of life,
grabbed by mutilation.
The way finally got me back to my home.

This time when I was back,
I really, was back.
I found the missing.
It was nothing else, but me.

A mask...

It was a time when I felt happy,
Whenever they smiled...
I felt pain whenever their eyes were moist.
But in the end I was left unaided.
When I divined their fretfulness,
and scuffled with it...
I discovered in them... The reason of my being.
But I was anomalous to wipe their tears.
My words were vituperative to console them...
My feelings were inconspicuous and I was inconstant.

Then one day, I wore a mask.
That could change the expressions of my face as required.
Now my face is happy when they are...
But my heart is never contented to see them smiling.
My face is sad when they are distressed.
But i never try to alleviate their grieves.
I have learned to make deals with their emotions,
steer clear of their feelings...

Now they say that I have an amiable personality.
But I know that I have an adverse soul.
They say that I have learned to live like a human,
but I know that the human inside me is dead.

Is this a new relation...

If once I have everything,
but yet I miss something.
My everyday just takes me off
unless someone I see.
Is this a new relation
new passion, new obsession.
Or scene of what tomorrow
my life's gonna be...

If days and nights go lazy
all ways on gaze are hazy...
If someone has a home in heart
and never lets it free.
Is this a new relation
far off from expectations!
I know someone has hold on me
but don't want to agree...

If someone finds my way,
whose smile just makes my way.
I find colors in my black life
and count on one two three....
Is this a new relation,
the sky's scintillation
is making me feel all the way
is me becoming we?
Or scene of what tomorrow my life's gonna be...

Hasratein,,,,,,

कुछ बातें कह कर भी अनकही रह जाती हैं,
कुछ अनसुनी सिसकियाँ आहें बन जाती हैं.
हर तमन्ना हर इन्सान की पूरी कहा होती है,
कुछ हसरतें दिल क दामन में ही जल जाती हैं...

कुछ सपनो का दिया कई साल जलता है,
पर कभी तेज़ आंधियां उसे बुझा देती हैं.
खुदा की रहमत से एक दुआ रंग लती है,
तो दूसरी इंतज़ार में गल जाती है...

कुछ ख्वाहिशें हर सुबह एक नाम से जलती हैं.
और हर रात गुमनाम सी सो जाती हैं.
पर कभी तो टूटेगा नाकामियों का ये पहरा,
ठहरी हुई ज़िन्दगी इस एहसास से चल जाती है.

इक मोड़ पे, इक शाम को जब सफ़र थमता है,
तो कई किस्से उस वक़्त अधूरे रह जाते हैं.
अभी तो उस मंज़र पर यकीं भी नहीं हुआ होता है,
की तभी ज़िन्दगी उस पल को ले कर आगे निकल जाती है...

कुछ लम्हे किस्मत फिर कभी नहीं दोहराती है,
कुछ चेहरों की बस एक तस्वीर साथ रह जाती है.
कुछ हंसी, कुछ आवाजें, कुछ मुस्कुराहतें,
बस याद बन कर ज़हन में पल जाती हैं.

वक़्त गुज़रता है और उन तस्वीरों पे धुल सी लग जाती है.
उन लम्हों की जुस्तुजू भीड़ में कही खो जाती है,
वो चेहरे, वो आवाजें, धुन्द्ली पड़ जाती हैं,
और फिर एक वक़्त क साथ सारी यादें ढल जाती हैं.

फिर नयी सुबह के ज़िन्दगी नयी रफ़्तार पकडती है.
फिर भीड़ में चलती है धूप से लडती है
पर बीती घड़ियाँ किसी कोने में आज भी चुभती हैं,
और कुछ हसरतें दिल क दामन में ही जल जाती हैं...

My friend...

My life was pacing gloomy ways
was darkness only I could gaze
for sake of a smile all I could lend,
what got me back was you, a friend.

My life was subtle eyes were wet
I had nothing I could just fret,
but precious one what god could send
was there with me in you, my friend.

You brought to life a lot of fun
You're one for me the only one.
Now I sleep in sweetest dreams' blend,
but not as sweet as you my friend.

I like you titter over me
coz all is love in I can see.
Now every threat I can relent
if you are there with me my friend...

You're a patient brain for all my guff
You're a caring for emotional stuff
Now no regrets for no girlfriend,
All I needed I got, my friend.

I squinted at this psuedo world
and I depict it in few words
In life no matters what impends,
but promise me you'll be my friend...

Something...

See, those stars twinkling,
they whisper 'something'...

Listen to the sedative sound of wind,
it says 'something'...

Touch the flowers today,
they smell 'something'...

Feel the scent,
it rehashes 'something'...

Watch the scene around,
it depicts 'something'...

Heed the running moments,
they address you to something...

Hold your heartbeats,
which murmurs the story of something...

Stare at my eyes,
where there is you, and that 'something' too...

Grasp this special moment,
I say you those magic words - "I love you..."

I'll miss you...

There was a story in every moment...
Every moment spent with you.
Though you didn't hear it.

There was a soreness in every smile...
A stream concealed behind my eyes.
Though you didn't see it.

There was a whimper in every breath...
Moaning to the swiftness of time.
Though you didn't heed it.

There was a solicitude in every disregard...
An affection in detestation.
Though you didn't deem it.

There was love in every mock...
An endeavor to amuse you.
Though you didn't feel it.

My being alone is my life,
but it was something more being with you!
Then my lips were stretched for a smile, to say you good-bye,
but my heart was yelling - "I'll miss you..."